I’m sitting here trying to write a blog post that matches up with the beauty I see in this little girl. But all that keeps playing over and over in my head is, “I didn’t expect to love her this much.” I knew I would love her. But not this much.
I didn’t know it was possible for me to be so overwhelmed with love for a little girl I’ve hardly known 8 days. I didn’t think my eyes would well with tears EVERY time I held her. I didn’t think a little baby would teach me something so profound in just the short time I’ve known her.
In 8 days, Zoe has taught me I need to learn to say no.
I don’t want Zoe to grow up knowing the person I am now. The stressed out, rushed, often times frantic person that I am now. I want to be able to go to her house and laugh SO hard with her mom and dad, because that’s what we do. I want to enjoy time with her sister and brothers, because they’re growing up SO fast. I want to look at her and see how big she’s gotten in the last week and over the weeks to come and know I was there to witness it.
Even more than that I want to go home from work and have dinner with my parents, because I don’t see them enough. I want to see my sister more than just when I walk in the door and go straight to bed after a day that’s been too long, because I miss her laugh. I want to be a part of my sister and brother’s lives. I haven’t even been to their new apartment.I want to stop sending text messages to my friend about how I miss her or actually plan a dinner frate with a girl I love so much and NEVER get to see.
I want to stop waiting for life to calm down to be a part of it.
I need to force life to calm down so I don’t miss it.
Zoe taught me that.
At this point it had only been hours since Alexis had had her C-Section. She looks beautiful.
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